Even Vanilla Needs Control

On Valentine’s Day, I was treated to an unexpected show of old-fashioned vanilla affection.  To clarify, the affection show did not follow any D/s based rules in terms of asking permission.  Some may see this as topping from the bottom, or some other label that attempts restricts this type of behaviour in a long-term marriage.  In fact, missy decided to do something for me that she knew I would enjoy and to make a big deal about beforehand would have spoiled the overall effect.

Having finished a very nice meal, missy and I sat listening to old romantic songs and drank wine. After a time, and having said how much she loved me, missy left her seat opposite and sat straddling me. After a time, she proceeded to kiss me and slowly grid herself against me.  This not being the type of dynamic we have, I stood, throwing her to the floor and told her to sit in the corner and reflect on how a sub should behave.

Obviously, this is not what I did.

The intimacy and overall levels of enjoyment only encouraged me to want more.  Being a Dom means quite often that personal displays of sexual affection from my sub only manifest themselves as part of a scene and are often hidden because of that. It becomes tapestry of emotions without any one element standing out.  I will be honest; I miss that individual display where someone wants you so much, they make you centre of attention.  You could argue that D/s and submission is already doing that by the act alone, however, I don’t see it that way.  I am human and not a Dom robot that works to a single set of rules.  I laugh, cry and bleed the same at the next person and I also have a need to be sexually and emotionally validated. Does that make me a narcissist?  I hope not as even dogs like a scratch behind the ear from time to time!

Talking of which, our dog felt left out and launched herself between us and stopped missy’s grinding. We did laugh about it so no harm was done.  After cleaning up the kitchen missy went to run an early bath at my instruction with a view to throw a couple of logs on the fire and watch some TV in very little clothing.  I had a spanking scene lined up for later and anything that may follow. The night was set.

We would have bathed together, but it’s not that easy as our combined heights would make us look like canned sardines, so missy went first, and after my quick splash about and a touch up here and there with a razor I re-entered the bedroom to grab a robe.  But what is this I see before me?  My sub on the bed looking as though she wasn’t going anywhere fast.  I was told later that missy asked me if I wanted to fuck her?  I didn’t hear that if I’m honest, however, that look didn’t need narrative.

The thing is with sex, I can’t seem to delegate very well, as in control. Even when I have told missy to tie me down and make me come, I end up getting free and taking over.  Meanwhile, back in the bat cave, missy and I are enjoying each other a great deal on an equal footing, that was until I felt that missy was not only wet, but relaxed. There’s a difference you see for missy as she is usually wet anyway but being relaxed tells me she can be used in so many ways.  I had to pause play for a moment as my fingers had explored both her holes and for the sake of safety a nirex glove was needed to save any unwanted infection.  Safety moment over, and missy is held down with one hand and being partially fisted with the other. Like I said, my control can’t help it self and with that comes a sexual rage.  It arrives without warning and takes the form of wanting the hurt missy.  If it’s impact play, I want to strike her harder, if it’s where I just left you, mid-fist, it’s a need to fuck her mouth.  I know missy likes to experience my rage, to be dominated and to feel the strength of emotion and inertia of lust.  I know, I’m lucky!

At this point there was brief exchange that we could have invited some friends to watch on line, which would have been nice as I’m quite into that, however, to stop now would not be a good idea as things were going so well!

There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, or simple straight forward displays of love. It does not make you non-D/s, it makes you who you are and if it fits in with your own dynamic, dancing and sexy music are just fine, as long as the Dom is leading the tango!  I would not go as far to say that being a Dom is a lonely role, far from it, however, if the dynamic stops one partner from showing affection due to ‘rules’, then maybe a re-write is in order!  There is of course a tried and tested way for a sub to ask for something or to do something, and it ends in the word, ‘Please!’

Posted in Building A Dynamic and tagged , .


  1. I love this and I think it’s one of those things you either establish at the beginning or you learn through knowing your partner. My Master has always let me know that He is okay with me showing Him my desire and affection in these types of ways, and I am so happy that He is. I love to straddle His lap and nuzzle His neck when He is having His coffee or checking email. And fortunately He leaves the hell cat at home so no one interrupts! LoL

  2. Having relaxed fun together needs no rationale. I’m glad you both had an enjoyment experience and I see your need for control despite that desire to ‘have your ear scratched’, that’s just a balance in your dynamic that satisfies both of your needs

  3. This is real and it’s life. I could never be in a relationship where I could not show affection.

    I’m glad y’all had a wonderful Valentine evening.


    We all need recognition HL.

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