I think it is safe to say that life throws up more questions than answers, and it would be wierd if you met some one and all that they told you was information before a question every appeared. Going on a date would very different if you sat and told each stuff about yourself you already knew, or in fact things you didn’t want discussed! However, life is not generally like that (outside of the intelligence gathering community that we feed subconciously) and so everyday is very much a new day when it comes to challenging what we are experiencing.
I have said in previous post that I do not believe a D/s relationship can be sustained in the long term without gaps. I’m not referring to the first year of D/s when it is all really crazy and full of emotions and orgasms, I mean more the long and winding road we all travel. I know so many couples that disappear from the kink social circle because their lives have been distrupted by something that affects their D/s. There is the belief from the B/S – D/s group that your dynamic should be strong enough to survive everything and my opinion is that these people are either living in an alternate universe to me or have little to concern themselves other than to crititise other people. If you are such a couple that has managed 10 years plus of 24/7 D/s without a hiatus then I suggest you write a book and make some money!
Missy and I have created a social group and blogs that were born of our love and enjoyment of D/s. We have asked questions of each other as to why we continue with it, and especially when our own D/s is not where it once was. For me, I still support the concept mainly due to the fact that I discovered the type of lifestlye that interested me and set me aside from everyday people. It was my thing, my kink and finally our kink. We could be in a public setting and have a secret that was ours, a dark secret that we knew was built by us together and something like minded people could come together and join us in relative safety.
Our D/s has been short of energy for quite sometime and we have questioned it and challenged the possibilty that we may have moved on as have many couples in the past. As you know, it takes a lot of focus and equal energy invested in each other to make a good things happen! D/s is not the glue in our marriage or our love for each other, however, it is an enjoyable element, when operating efficiently, that really puts fire in our belly! I think the question that we need to ask each other is not, why are we not firing on all four cylinders, but what can we both do to keep the other person in focus? D/s is about two people (usually) being the very best for the other person; When one person does something, the other person reactes in a way that acknowleges the event and then follows through giving the message they want more. It really isn’t rocket science, however, it is human behaviour which is way more complex and variable than a computer could ever process, and obviously far more exciting!
I really appreciate the question you posed toward the end of this post, HisLordship. Maintaining D/s takes a lot of effort on both parts, and personally, I think it is normal to sort of wax and wane. My husband and I go through times where we are hot and heavy with it….and other times where life is just overwhelming and there isn’t that kind of free time or mental capacity. But it sure is sweet when we are both fully engaged 🙂
I’m amazed at how similar our posts are for this subject. Mine will be online in a couple of days. I hear you!
~ Marie xox