Life Gets In The Way

Excuses, excuses, excuses; Does that sound familiar?  Probably not something you will hear a sub say to a Dom, or a Dom to sub, however, certainly something either party may have said to themselves.  With all best intentions, life does get in the way of the things you do or try to do, you can’t ignore that fact.  The real question here I guess is, why do you let it get in the way?

If something is going to happen that is planned, for example friends or family invading your personal space and absorbing the time you would normally devote to each other, whether that’s under one roof or a long distance relationship, you have the chance to plan for it.  If you’re being honest here, how much do you plan and do you stick to it?  At the very least you should acknowledge that something will be happening.  Next week for example my father will be staying with us, and because my mother died only 3 months ago, it’s going to require all hearts to the pumps for two weeks.  It’s going to be an emotional drain for everyone, however, that is not an excuse for our D/s to wain, in fact it should have the reverse effect, but will it?

We have planned meals, where he will sleep, how to entertain him whilst we are working etc etc. All that is very functional and quite rightly centred around one person, however, where are we in all of these activities? It certainly isn’t a case of getting through the day and fucking all night. We will be tired through work and then instead of chilling out we will need to dig deep and motor through the evening. So, life has got in the way and we need to ride that wave and not see it as a brick wall.  Connection is the surf board to ride this party wave, and it can be achieved and maintained so easily, you can actually forget to do it.

This may sound like ‘how to keep a partner 101’ but sometimes the obvious just floats past you.


It sounds obvious and yet we focus so much on other people we ignore the one in front of us.  Share thoughts, feelings and plans. Operating in your own bubble is not going to help the dynamic so talking is more important than ever.  If you see it or feel it, say it and that way nothing gets missed.

Physical Connection

Get those hands working. A stroke, a rub and grab are great ways of telling the other person you value thier presence around you. If the guests are in the other room, get some Dominant commands in once you’ve assessed the chance of getting away with it.

Plan Together

If your guests come up with ideas to do something, get your partner involved before making the decision. Being a Dom is not about sailing the ship alone; Consult the crew and get their buy in and there’s a high probability they can make the event much more enjoyable.

Use the Time You Have

If there really is no time for you to be alone, make time. It’s pretty easy when you try, especially once you have gone to bed. Yes you are tired but 10 minutes of play wont break the alarm clock, and more importantly it is much better than doing nothing.

Check In

Look out for one another and focus on what you know makes the other happy and feel needed. Stay on top on emotional and physical needs.

That’s my take how to keep close when life gets in the way. Actually, that was really my mind dump as what I need to do over the next two weeks.  Everyone is different, however, excuses are easier to find than solutions which makes the default so much of a simpler life to have not to try. The only problem is, you need to employ 10 times more effort to get you back where you were before the life event actually happened!

Posted in Memes.


  1. Sounds like a well thought out plan and some great advice for others HL. I particularly like your decision making process together, shows strength in your lifestyle together.

  2. Sometimes life just gets in the way, and it happens in various degrees. For us in our current situation, communication and physical touch – not sex, just a touch of an arm, a hug, a kiss – are what get us through, and checking in with each other as much as we can. No planning of play or anything, as there is just no energy for that. That said, I like this post, and those obvious steps just have to be said out loud at times.
    ~ Marie xox

  3. This makes me feel really positive in that we are both on the same page and I know that when life happens we will be able to get through whatever it throws our way. Missy x

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