Why does the word ‘Expectation’ have such negative connotations?  It is all, ‘Have low expectations and you’ll never be disappointed’ or ‘I find my life better with low expectations.’  The internet is awash with hundreds of such statements. All I can say is there must be a lot people out there aiming low or with their fingers burnt!

I feel I am lucky because rarely am I disappointed by people I fully trust. I will admit that circle is small, but only small because I chose it to be that way.  The loser the connection the weaker the signal I think I once read.  Now that is not to say that my expectations of people have not been a source of disappointment in the past. I have been let down by people with whom I had extremely basic expectations; People who are mature, experienced and allow you to think they are trustworthy when at the end of the day they have very small expectations of themselves. You live and learn!

In our D/s relationship one expectation is clear and simple.

You look after me, and I will look after you.

It is a very simple concept on the surface, however, the foundation is built on trust. I trust missy without question, and I am sure she does with me.  It is a good place to be, especially when you are operating in our chosen society where sexual constraints are thrown off and imaginations are free to explore.  We both interact on a sexual level with other people, albeit mainly online. Flirting and such like are just toys to have fun with. My expectation of missy is for her to enjoy such relationships and develop them into something meaningful. We have done this in the past and I have gained pleasure from that, whereas without trust, and love, my reaction would be different.

I do not think having expectations is a fool’s errand, far from it.  Having an expectation is something you yourself have applied to a person, even if they offered something to you first. My expectations of missy in our relationship were not instantaneous. They were built over time, and on occasion she fell short in meeting them, however, was that her fault?  I have to say no if I want to support my earlier argument; On reflection I found that possibly my communication could have been clearer in what I wanted and therefore avoided the situation.  Of course, there several situations where I can recall falling short of missy’s expectations and again, it’s communication that was the problem. What did I say about a loose connection carrying a poor signal?

When our D/s is firing on all four cylinders, when the connection is good and we anticipate each other needs with little effort, we exceed expectations and that is where the focus should be. Stop the wild statements about failed expectations, there should be more quotes about exceeding them and how to do this. Life would be so much better don’t you think with a bit more D/s thrown in?


Posted in Building A Dynamic.


  1. I have never understood the “aim low” mentality. I *do* have expectations of people. That they meet those expectations is the minimum allotment for interaction — that they exceed them is evidence of actual possibilities.

    Communication is a key element in clarifying expectations; you are absolutely right. And it could often be better.

    I find it interesting that you qualify your trust in Missy as being “without question.” Personally, I question EVERYTHING. “How do you feel about __________?” and “Why did you __________ instead of __________?” and occasionally “What the hell were you thinking?!?”


    : laugh :

    But yes, absolutely — you look after me, and I will look after you. 🙂

  2. Am I able to say, “yes”? More D/s in the world for sure. I think at times we will all fall short but it is what you do next that is important. That is often when you can exceed expectation. Missy x

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