Standing, now, in the middle of the apartment living area, she felt she couldn’t remember clearly the last 30 minutes.  They were important, those lost minutes, and yet it really didn’t matter in the greater scheme of things how she got here, just why.  The why was clear to her; he said he wanted it to happen and the idea slowly developed in her head until it was something she really desired.

The other Dom sat in the chair by the window; the black of the night sky turned the glass into muted mirrors. Her reflection was clear, as was the pale of her skin against the black underwear she wore.  The two men talked, firstly about life in general, and then about her. She wasn’t invited into the conversation, in fact she felt excluded, well, up until her Dom asked Him what he thought of her.

“Shoes, stockings, knickers, cuffs and matching collar is a nice touch.” He said.

“I’m pleased you like it, she chose it for you. I asked her to pick something she would like to wear that would turn you on.”

She felt her skin tighten and an odd feeling between her legs that said a button had been pressed.

——

This is one of the many facets in which I view my desire for my wife. Not all elements of desire are factual or real. They are like having a diamond  between my fingers, slowly turned to reflect the light and bouncing colours before me.

I have reflected more than once on watching Missy as she walks around the bed naked at night before getting under the duvet, and again in the morning as she repeats her footsteps on the chilled wooden floor towards the shower. There is a desirable magic in those moments that makes you feel alive inside. Almost burning desire to have her on show in a continuous film loop projected on the wall like a ghostly apparition. 

Desire and lust are intertwined with lust being a strong desire to have sex, whereas, desire on its own is a wanting or a wishing to own something or for something to happen.  The definitions are open to interpretation of course, however, my take on it is that sexual desire can have both an emotional and physical reaction, which combined can make a powerful aphrodisiac, and therefore make you lustful.  I guess that’s how nature programmed the creatures of our planet to procreate. 

For us complicated homo sapiens, we have turned desire, and not forgetting lust, into an artform, which I guess separates us from other mammals, that being the ability to create art in forms of drawing, music, photographs and all manner of wonderfully expressive ways.  Mine is photography, and despite being very much a beginner that struggles with even the most basic concepts, I love seeing missy on screen.  There are moments when she is captured in a millisecond by a camera lens that brings back time and time again my need to look at her.  I have a print in my wardrobe, framed and glazed, of missy wearing angel wings that I took in a forest a few years ago. It was one of those pictures that just worked. It captures her skin’s reaction to the Scottish October chilly weather, and light is crisp, and there is a certain serenity about it that makes me feel our children in years to come will smile at when they find it after we have long gone.  Why is it in the wardrobe you may ask?  Well being half naked, in a forest, wearing angel wings and being photographed would just throw up too many questions if hung on a wall. Oh, and its too big for the bedroom so it would have to be on public display downstairs! 

 I’ve never desired anyone more than the person I am married to now. In the years of indiscriminate fucking other women that precluded our eventual meeting many years ago now, I never found that lasting pull.  It was functional to a degree, massaging an ego that was too large and too young to manage it. Please don’t think I look upon myself as some former rock ‘n’ roll serial shagger, jeez if only!  My previous exploits were based on lust and habit if I’m honest.  My lasting desire for Missy is deep rooted because I see beyond the visual image that I desire. I see into her, and whilst not always not knowing how to navigate every situation, I always we will find one together. 

Desire is a ‘strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen,’ which in our relationship is translated in to a ‘strong knowledge of having something and knowing something will happen.’