Limits and Boundaries-Revisited

Yes, I know, this is a very quick turn around for a revisit post, almost 48 hours, however, I can assure you it is for a good reason.  What did I miss from the last post you may wonder? He seems to have covered all the bases you may have possibly said!  Alas, no, not all bases as my lovely, and observant, wife pointed out this morning.

“There’s nothing in it about your limits.” She said in a casual way.

“Jeez Missy,” I said. “You’re right, how did I miss making myself vulnerable for everyone to see?”

Silly me!

Of course, she is right, I did miss a significant part in the last post.  I wrote about the Ying half of the relationship and omitted the Yang.  So let me put that straight by jumping into the middle of the original post where we find ourselves away with another couple in the Highlands of Scotland with only a camera lens and some sheer material between us.

Although I may think that I do not have any overt boundaries, I did have a couple that are linked to insecurities.  I’m okay actually with insecurities if you’re wondering.  When I was younger I never had them, and that made me a bit of confident arse if I’m honest.  I don’t regret being like that because in the world I lived in back then I would have be eaten alive and certainly not achieved half the things I managed to do.  So, insecurities, I am okay with, and don’t mind sharing them with you as they certainly are not a weakness to my mind. (Did I mention being a confident arse?)

Me being naked in front of other people. Now you may have read my piece on nudity and my love for it, however, there is the matter of not looking how I would like.  The very muscular body of my 20’s has long gone and is replaced by a large frame with some additional insulation. This combination produces two things; Heat and Presence.  I have my own ecological environment. I am rarely cold, and usually always too hot. Put me in hot tub or hot bath, and you have just poured petrol on a fire. Being naked can keep me cool, but can be a turn off if I catch a reflection, or heaven forbid captured in a picture or movie.  Not all is lost though, as my weight has gradually fallen these past months, so good news!  My boundary therefore being pushed was the possibility of being naked and on show; and as luck would have it, I was and it was okay.  The result, aside from some very interesting sexual play, was that I caught a second wind to get back into shape, or a shape at the very least.  I would very much like to repeat such a great weekend, but next time I would to take less of me in the car!

I have made no secret of my desire to watch missy play with other people or them to watch us playing. This ties in nicely with missy’s like of erotic humiliation and the exploration of such things. This is of course a boundary for her, and best articulated in her own words in her own blog.  My personal boundary in this area is the mental processing of my fantasy verses reality, which of course are generally very different in some way.  My feelings at the time of the event will be controlled by being dominant and feeling aroused by missy’s presence. Obviously the unorthodox new setting will add to it. 

My boundary therefore is my own mental processing of feelings.

I’m not the best with processing head space and due to that my boundaries will be pushed in managing feelings as there’s a lot juggle. The actual act of any possible play does get you processing, however, that’s spontaneous.  I do dynamic, last minute, and seat of your pants type stuff.  Reflective processing I can do for others with some competency, yet mine needs some facilitation. Would I say I am scared of the feelings I may have from playing with others?  I don’t think so I am; it would be more to do new feelings I have yet to experience.  The prospects of the unknown, whilst being a boundary, is an exciting one to push. 

One thing with all boundaries that are being pushed is having the moral courage to stop or slow things down if you feel mental control is slipping. Maybe you don’t know what I mean by that?  It’s that, ‘am I in control or have I stopped moving and everyone else is on a new path?’  It happens sometimes when involved in a debate in a group and it gets hijacked and taken away from something you are knowledgeable about. I have experienced that in contract negotiation when some bright spark wants to add more services for the same price. The original agenda becomes dated in the space of a few minutes.  The response to that is again to stop and review the situation; playing with others is no different and it is likely that you are not alone with those feelings. The only difference is that you’re in charge, and you hold the referee’s whistle!

Posted in Being a Dom.


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