Lock down has produced a number of challenges for everyone, it’s a sliding scale. Each day it becomes more normal, things that bothered you before now don’t, and things that didn’t now do, albeit temporarily.
I admit that I find the slow pace of life nice. The lack of cars, people and general background noise of humans is all but gone in our tiny part of Scotland. However, restricted movement is really strangling my throat of pleasure. Working from home, or at home working, does not give me separation from home life, it’s a blurred image. Now, I know that the best way to overcome this is to take charge of the situation, accept this is the new permanent norm, for now. My job requires me to support those that are engaged in a fixed process during the day. When things go wrong, you need to react, which makes planning your ‘at home working; day a challenge. This test of will though stems from me, not work. If someone calls me and I am in a meeting online, the phone remains unanswered and usually the person works the problem out for themselves, as I was just the easy option. If my boss wants to talk to me they have to book time in my diary. So it’s me stopping me from taking time to get some pleasure.
I want to do pleasurable things, for me. I have a list as long as long as your arm that I need to do and would get pleasure from, and yet I want to commit real time to it, not just a stolen hour here and there. I would to do kinky things during the day, but we have other people in the house, and missy also has a job with similar unpredictable demands. Her role is very much a drain on her emotional reservoir and mine so mind numbing in terms reward that we are both very flat. We have always agreed that relationships take effort, and yet at this juncture in history the effort required is very exhausting producing a catch 22 situation.
I love pleasure, giving and receiving, who doesn’t? Unfortunately, as I said, mine is being strangled, and as always writing often puts things into perspective. Carpe Diem! This should be my new battle cry and accept the change in circumstances. Seek pleasure and squeeze the rock challenge for every drop of blood I can get out of it. Oh bloody hell, I got all very weird there which is probably the outcome of writing at midnight.
I need to make small changes that can be glued in place before addressing the next. The world may change, but we don’t have to behind our walls of a D/s relationship, everything should be really quite pleasurable!