Codependency

I somewhat feel like I have written about this topic many times, however, I know it is more likely I have played it in my head over and over again.

I had an urge to start at the beginning, however, I know you are busy and really just need a nice short post to get you through a few gulps of coffee.  To be honest that suits me as I’m writing this late in the evening and central heating has gone off!

A few years ago, I lost my job during a downturn and I was not alone.  I had a good job that in hindsight paid very well. How I got there is another chapter and is not relevant to this one, however, let’s say I achieved more than my teachers would have expected!  After the news had hit home and the dust had settled, I embarked on a one-man-band path to seek my fortune. It involved long periods at home alone, or short periods in parts of the world where travel brochures fear to venture.  You could say I was a busy fool, when in fact mental illness crept in and gave me that impression. All it did was allow me to think I was busy when in fact I allowed time to slip between my fingers. I changed, and my family saw it and so did my wife in far more ways than the kids would ever know.

My wife, who is also my sub supported me in many ways. She remained sexually focused when I couldn’t, she planned events when I was disorganised, and she kept the family together when I couldn’t see life as I did before.  You really couldn’t ask for more.  However, there was a flaw to this behaviour.

In hindsight, I should have gone out and got another job instead of working for myself. I would have moved on faster from the poor behaviour of individuals and our household income would not have been so affected.  What happened in reality is that I didn’t need to go out and find work, I was doing just fine. Nothing was really the matter aside from a few minor break downs in mental health.  My wife helped me to maintain the world of fiction in my head.  She was submissive and in order to maintain that power exchange, that I had let go, she made it look like I was still holding the reins when really, I wasn’t. Her approach was that maybe with the right amount of support I would bounce back to the old me.

Having both reflected on this period in our lives, which is still ongoing, my wife could have taken the hard line with me and painted a different picture, one that met her needs more and that of our family. Of course, this co-dependent behaviour became circular and pulled us both down into an ever decreasing spiral.

Was missy wrong to take this approach? No, I would say not in all fairness.  Love is blind and part of the D/s dynamic is about self-sacrifice and putting the other person first.  On this occasion D/s did not help us in one half, however, in the other half it did.

In all the emotional hardship we face, D/s keeps us together. We have both come from failed marriages and know how it works.  Our love for each other is unquestionable as is our commitment to one another. We know how to interact as a couple and get the best from each other. We know we are a good match and that together we are very strong. D/s adds a depth of trust and knowledge about each other most people never find. We are lucky, I am lucky, and I never stop forgetting that.

 

Posted in Being a Dom and tagged , .

2 Comments

  1. Thank you for writing this. You may have played it over in your head but it helps for me to see it written down. I think that sometimes doing that can take the fear and the power from the things that happen and release the hold that the other feelings have on you. I feel lucky too ❤️

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