The whole concept of objectification was a mental wrestling match for me.  Having just got my head around the theory of D/s some 8 years ago, objectification brought a whole new layer.

Imagine if you will entering into a discussion where your wife confesses a desire whereby she wants, but won’t openly accept, that she wants to be objectified.  I’m unsure what that means, as I thought at the time.  Being an object, like a statue?  Or a table for me to put my feet on, or rest a glass?

“Mmmmmm, sort of.” She replies.

“Sort of? Not really that helpful.”

She explains more, I read, and we talk more.  It’s a jigsaw, without a guiding picture. I need to link up a number of elements to have an effect; look closely on the relationship between each piece and slowly things start to become clearer.

I realise that this doesn’t have to be complicated, just view her as sexual accessible without acknowledging her, as her.  Remove the usual connection and create a third party perspective. Gone are,

‘I want you to do this or that’ or ‘you are a good girl.’

All that is taken away. We are now in the world where,

‘I have to do this to you’ or ‘I’m confident that I will be able fit that in there.’

She has no control because she is not she.  The former is now a living statue, a broken sex doll, or just an object with no name or gender, just a thing for practical reasons to fuck or use part of it for your pleasure. And yet that is not how she sees it, that is not her kink, but I have to have that separation, that distance to be able to treat her as something other than just my sub or my wife.

Our play has to take away her control of the situation, give up questioning and just allow what is happening, to happen.  By describing my actions, my visual perspective of the changes to her body, the effect on mine and where she is going to be taken next, all adds to her feeling of being sexually turned by something that equally feels wrong.

It’s a mental wrestling match for sure, but hell of a lot of fun..

Posted in Being a Dom and tagged .


  1. I think you captured the appeal, for me at least, brilliantly. Taking away control, because she is no longer she. It does take a lot of mental adjustment and practice, I suppose on both ends, but when it works, it works. xo

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