Даже боль имеет свою радость. (Russian Proverb)

Even pain has its joy, is so very true.  This saying is old and has travelled well; unless of course you are remembering the Ukrainian 2007 entry in the Eurovision Song Contest. (puts fingers in ears)

However, aside from the chemical formulae that is often banded about to describe endorphins, there is also the pure fun of striking another human being with their consent for the purposes of personal gratification.  In my lifetime I have been in a boxing ring, mostly on the canvas, thrown around in Judo classes and had joints hammered and twisted engaged in Aikido and Jujitsu.  Each one of these ‘good ideas’ has left me with that feeling the next day of being hit by a small car; I guess it’s really no different from a hard gym workout, but without the bruises.  You ache in a good way, and at the time you were focused on what you were doing, with likeminded, safety focused people, and that felt good.

I have had scenes with missy, and woke the next day with sore joints, scratch marks and ruined bed sheets. I see them as a reflection of a previous night’s event that was a positive experience.  I have recently woken up to the fact that I enjoy delivering pain to missy in a loving way. This should not have been such a big revelation considering my love for physical contact, and yet I think for a long time I denied that fact.  There has always been something in my head, even as a kid, that I could lose control of a situation physically. There is no evidence to support that feeling, and probably why I took up with organised clubs to help manage that feeling; stranger still, I am quite passive by nature.

For those of you who have been on the delivering end of a kink play either wielding a cane, a paddle, a flogger or any implement of your choice, you’ll know that mixed feeling of responsibility and power.  It’s quite unique in many ways, I mean, if you applied those two elements to everyday jobs such as an prison executioner or a parking attendant I doubt you’ll find any erotic stimulation; well maybe in the parking attendant…..  My point, if there is one, is that being able to both really get off on physically laying down marks and feeling closer to one another is a special relationship that outside of our community is frowned upon, or is it?  I read recently in a magazine aimed at females that in a survey, 90% of women enjoy sex more when there is an element of domination involved be it restraint or spanking.  Now I am not sure what the exact demographic was for this survey, but it got me thinking that survey’s like this really do not help the BDSM community.  The publication is coffee table rubbish that contains such drivel as ‘how to have multiple orgasms with these simple tips.’  I’m bordering on rant, however, looking the depth of paragraph I will stop; only to say that sensationalising kink only does more damage whereas focussing on feelings, safety, trust and responsibility has far more impact, pun intended.

Oh yes, Pain.  My relationship with it has grown into something positive being with missy, mainly because we are both very open minded and happy to explore and go back and try again if necessary.  It’s nice to know that the journey is every evolving, as are we I suppose!

Posted in Being a Dom and tagged , .


  1. I talk to dommes (and the occasional dom) about what they get out of delivering pain. I’ve never found an answer that I can really understand, I doubt that I will. It’s one of those things I have to take on trust because when wallowing in a sea of endorphins I really don’t need to be asking myself “are they enjoying this ?” 😂🌹

  2. I find it fascinating that we can be with a person for years and still find new way to be vulnerable and explore. It’s a testament to the long term relationship and proof that we never completely know everything. It’s exciting, really.

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