Training #Tellmeabout

When the topic of training was decided for #tellmeabout I felt comfortable that it would be a fairly straight forward subject to write about. I was wrong!  I normally write without reading other’s entries, however, leaving it so late I fell into the trap of reading all the posts before getting to mine; this made a big change on the outcome when I eventually sat down at 9pm on the Friday night it closes!

There appears to be a general acceptance that training is maybe not the correct term for a sub, or a Dom for that matter, starting out and learning new things in a D/s lifestyle.  Maybe the acquisition of skills might be more appropriate? Whatever term is used, the outcome is pretty much the same – growth.  In the world I work in we continually move towards having people classed as competent in their role. Those that do not make the grade are not incompetent, they are not-yet-competent. Much more polite I feel when some has worked hard but not yet hit the bar.

I would say most people I know personally in D/s relationships are competent in what they do, and some are even consistently competent, an accolade worthy of a gold star!  So, what of training?

In the earlier days of our D/s relationship I asked missy if we could train her to take a lot of cock without gagging.  I have to say that she embraced the challenge and became ‘highly competent’ in that act and still visibly enjoys it in certain circumstances to the point of being quite greedy!  However, I would say that is the last time we used the term ‘training.’  From that point on it was experimenting and trial and error.  Much of what we did was instigated by missy as she was the one in the relationship who brought D/s to the table and if I’m honest, I was somewhat cautious in my attitudes towards D/s and developmental kinky sex. Maybe it was I in training??

The term Training, as you will have gathered already, does not form part of our relationship. For me, training requires someone with a set of skills that has the ability to transfer them to another person.  One could argue you could both train in something new, but that would of course require a source of information. Mutual development having witnessed a demonstration or read a book might be a better term?

I read a quote in a book once that said, ‘A smooth sea never made a skilful sailor,’ and I get that.  You do need a few bumps along the way keep it realistic and not some holistic fairy dusted vision.  Call it training, development or even growth, but if you do it together, that’s the important part don’t you agree?



Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged , .


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