Over the years missy and I have tried numerous rituals.  Most of them have fallen by the wayside, mainly due to the fact they either were not practical, or, in truth, they did not mean enough to me to continue with them.  We too have tried kneeling, bum in air on the bed, slave positions, and a host of others. All have been great the time, and yet they fall away.

We have been D/s for quite some time now, and I often get a little surprised when I see how many years have passed and how little on-the-surface visible D/s there is.  On reflection that is not a negative thing, as most couples new to D/s or kink for that matter are like kids in a sweet shop and can approach the whole dynamic like a glucose starved teenager! We have all been there I’m sure.

So, what are rituals as a concept? My view is that they are ‘oh hello we are here’ events during the week.  Imagine driving down a long road with everyday sights passing by you, the radio is the background noise to life and big letter appears on the horizon, hoisted 60 feet in the air for all to see. You recognise it as MacDonald’s restaurant instantly. It’s familiar, you know the type of food they serve, their coffee and rest rooms. Every ‘Mackie Ds’ is the same due to its franchise model and depending on who you are and your personal tastes, it sends a message of some comfort. For me it’s a lavatory, in all sense of the word, and that’s my person take for the record.  My point is this, the big M in your dynamic says different things to you, however, for others their rituals are not hoisted 60 feet in the air. They are woven into the relationship like something woven – to avoid using another metaphor.

I love arses in the air, legs spread, slave positions, boobs held up and offered, being met naked on arrival home, watching missy play the piano naked, however, life does not allow that level if open display when you have a family and work fulltime. Both of you are tired by the end of the week and comfort is drawn from a verbal offload about the idiot at work, a bottle of wine, and for one night a week watching some 7 season programme whose story line gets worse by each episode. And yet we do still have rituals..

We kiss each other when one of us leaves the house to drive anywhere, missy always has a bath before me at night and turns down my side of the bed, and if it’s not done, I will stand there until she remembers, which is very rare.  I open missy car door for her on departure and arrival, where possible she walks to my left with me between her and the road. On Saturday morning we have breakfast and talk before anyone esle is up, and on Wednesday evenings to check in.  All of these were once rules, however, none of them carry a punishment because they are now ingrained in how we behave, so to an extent, they are rituals.

Rituals do have to sit right and be easily adopted. That is not to be confused with just easy, as somethings are less easy for other depending on their lifestyle.  If I was to choose a ritual it would Nude Sunday. This is a fantasy I admit, for even when the children all leave home either the dog will pay too much interest on what’s on offer and get slapped or my in-laws could pop by, which to be honest, is not something I looking to ask them to join in with any day soon, although to visitors, I may make an exception!

(PS – I actually screwed up our Saturday ritual in an attempt to get this post out. – not good!)



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  1. I can relate to this in so many ways. We might think “what’s wrong with our D/s?” but we know how deeply entwined it all is now.

    This will serve as a good reminder to those still in the candy shop: you will grow. It will evolve. It becomes stronger and more meaningful.

  2. I had to giggle at your final paragraph. I have to smack the dog every morning on my way to the bathroom because he’s determined to sniff the naked goods.

    Also, I very much relate to your point that when you’ve been together a long time and do D/s full time, it can become very subtle to outside observers. But the two of us always know. And it becomes more apparent to us when others are around because we have to keep things from them. I serve Him first, I get His drinks, I defer…I probably look like a 50s TV wife to many outsiders. The little woman. And that is okay with me.

  3. I appreciate your point, HL. I’ve also noticed the cogs that keep the D/s moving along have become more subtle (and more ingrained) as time goes on … I like that it all has become more about who we are, not just what we do … nj

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