I know that I will be judged by some who read this, and may even cause offence to those who disagree with me. They are some of the inherent outcomes from free speech which I have written about before. However, this is supposed to be a bit of fun, and therefore I will open the door of Room 101 and start to add my list of disposable items.
- Loud Eaters – I’m sorry but I cannot stand the sound of someone eating. I know I eat, and I know I make some noise; however, I am conscious of it and try to limit the fall out; others, however, do not have the same social awareness. I will go to lengths of turning on music for no reason other than masking the sound of an apple, a bag of crisps, crunchy biscuits and the slurping of beverages – not to mention the loud swallow that follows. Dare smack your lips and say ahhhh after you have devoured the item for I may scream. In Room 101 you can sound as much like a pig as you wish.
- Political Correctness Police – I read a document the other day that was so PC, it was illegible. The author’s attempt to encompass every chromosome carrying organism on the planet just infuriated me. I am fully aware that not everyone on the planet falls simply into Male and Female, I get that and I am 100% accepting of that. It does not mean, however, that every document drafted by a business has to double in size just to tick every box. There needs to be some common sense applied. Whilst the origin of grammatical gender is not fully known accordioning to historians, I leave this excellent article on wiki that investigates gender nonbinari grammar. What goes into Room 101? – massive documents that focus more on ticking PC boxes than the subject on the front cover.
- Dog Shit – I am a dog owner and I dislike picking up hot dog shit; but I do because it’s the right thing to do. Faecal matter either needs to be biodegrading on a very remote hillside, in a place when others fear to tread, or in a bin provided for your little bags that end up in every coat pocket you own. However, it is not just the people who fail to clean up after their dogs, oh no reader, it is the lazy twats that pick up the poo in the their little bags, tie the knot, and hang it from a branch for the ‘collect on the way back.’ Do they buggery. Dog shit bags hanging from trees, fences and bushes, like scrotums sacks swing in the wind. Jeez, these lazy scum bags need to get a hamster or some other pet that cannot roam outside and will shit happily on their carpet unnoticed.
- Sexual Activity Snobbery – Ever been in a crowd where you notice that some groups elevate themselves due to their sexual activity? It’s not just some swingers and polyamorous groups that do it, it ranges from ‘time in the scene’ to ‘extreme activity.’ Now, I am not confusing this with not being including in a crowd. I am too old and dented to be concerned about positive exclusion, and certainly not offended by birds of a feather flocking together. It’s the ones that give off the scent that you are not worthy of attention. Now I find this odd behaviour, and fortunately rare, as I have loved the way in which kink groups allow you to talk to absolute strangers about anal, dildos or even the weather. So, sexual snobs get the key to the door.
- Finally, I promise, are people who think that but using their status or raising their voice will change the outcome of a forgone situation. I am of course referring to airline passengers. I worked for over 2o years in aviation. I have been sworn at by a priest, witnessed a nun fart loudly due to anger issues (I did laugh again at that old memory) and narrowly avoid physical assault on more than one occasion. Interspersed amongst those few self-proclaimed celebrities, are those who do have the official title of celebrity. Yes, those lovies with more ego than money, and more money than sense. I am to this day amazed at the way a human can go from being quite normal to a total cunt in the blink of an eye. It is appalling to witness one of these people tear into a check-in agent because they have an overweight bag, or there is no free up grade, or there is not an empty seat next to them, or, or , or. Yes the list of crazy behaviours is endless. I have been lucky in life to have once held executive powers to deal with people who think they are above the law when flying. You would think when faced with the threat of criminal prosecution and a life ban that you would wind your neck in, but no. With cries of “Don’t you know who I am?” ringing around the terminal, the site of two police officers escorting them away to a nice uncomfortable cell is, beyond all doubt, simply, heart warming.