I have placed my trust a great many people over the years.  Some I have trusted with my life; on the end of a rope, behind the wheel of a car, on the back of a motorbike and even on the end of gun. Others I have trusted to do what is right morally to support me when my back is turned. In love I have trusted very few people, mainly due to only having a few relationships that had any emotional depth. Finally, there is trust in myself; to do the right thing, trusting with confidence my skills to complete a task. A moral compass.

In all of the above, I have been let down on more than one occasion.

This does not make me a distrusting person, or even cynical towards life in general. It does, however, make me more self-aware of my own failings in carrying out due diligence to protect me and my family.  A good example would be the introduction into the world of D/s, and erotic writing.  I have met many people on the journey so far, and like a lot of us, we can be swept up in other people’s enthusiasm.  It is in that soup of sexy ideas, sexy people and continual suggestion of something hedonistic.

Trust, when distilled, is a commitment.  A vow, a handshake, a contract or even a kiss. It is a statement either bound by expectation or a strong belief that the other person puts your needs first. And I think that is what trust is; knowing that above all, even when mistakes or misunderstandings happen, and they will, that the other person will continue to put you ahead of themselves for the 99% of the time that wasn’t messed up.  Trust can be broken, and yet it doesn’t always mean irreparably. We make mistakes, get caught up on an idea or absorbed by life’s fast pace. Obviously there are some areas where stepping over a line becomes more of a cliff edge!

I have 100% trust in my wife. I don’t say that lightly either. I know that whatever she does that affects me, she will ensure my needs are met in that forum.  I have taken that for granted at times by not recognising it, and until this very moment the words are hitting the screen, do I realise that I have not thought about this for a long time.  I sit looking about my surroundings and realise that there are at least 4 things I could do at the end of this post that will deepen her trust in me. Small things that are important to her. Not massive gestures, just things that make her life safer and comfortable.

I have never trusted anyone more that missy and for two major reasons. Firstly, I have never really cared that much about people letting me down. You let me down, I’m not happy, I move on.  Secondly, no one has shown me before the value of trust and how it works beyond face value. Trust allows you so much freedom that I never saw before. Mutual trust lets you talk about things without making assumptions of outcome. If missy wanted to try something sexual beyond our current agreement, she would say it and say it knowing she was safe to do so. She has trust in that element of the relationship. If I make a mistake or have to make a decision without her, yes, she will be slightly annoyed by my behaviour, but I trust our relationship to work through that and it stops me from hiding things.  A different form of an Open Relationship!

What was to be a 2-paragraph post has grown, and that is most likely due to the subject. Trust is important, and maintaining unbroken trust between people is vital.  Even in early times of man, someone was tasked to stay up and watch for wild animals to prevent the others being eaten. They were trusted to protect and that in turn created a bond. In the end small groups came together for protection and they trusted each other, but I suppose larger groups dilute trust and then it all gets messy!  So for now, desperately looking for a conclusion to this post, I will stick to my carefully selected band of people to build trust with and feel lucky that I found someone where trust feels part of life and not worried about.


Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged , .

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