I can’t remember exactly the words missy used to ask if I would to dominate her, and she be my submissive. Whatever they were, it was effective, albeit a little confusing. I think missy had 80% of it worked out in her head and I must have got the other 20%. It probably took me a few minutes before Google was being asked lots of questions regarding D/s. I now realise that the internet was more confused than I at the time; there really was (and still is) a mountain of horse shit to wade through. It was really was almost impossible to find anything that resembled our lifestyle. Most of it centred around fiction or hardcore BDSM play, and it was hard to tell the two apart. So where the articles written for middle-aged couples on their second marriage with lots of kids and into kinky sex?
It didn’t take long to find some material that related to us, however, either it had not been updated in years or it was hard core Christian based. We wanted something contemporary, with a balanced view and real life; and so we went back to Google and cast our net wider. Later that week I found an on-line community for married submissives, and attached to that another for married Dominants; at last a place were we could find out some information. I think the last time I encountered an on-line chat was with AOL back in the 90’s! Safe to say my early exposure to chat rooms was basic.
Having read some material within the site’s blog, which we assumed to be correct, we both set up profiles (Hislordship & missy) on the respective sites and jumped in. We both found very helpful in terms of knowing we were completely mad and also friends, which after 4 years remain so. The experience was generally positive, a bit like being in hot tub, and then, not so positive, rolling around in the snow. I soon discovered speaking to a wide range of men (Dommes were not actively encouraged) that D/s means different things to different people. Taking out of the equation a small percentage members that really hadn’t grasped that submission was earned and not to be taken for granted, and another small amount who were just dicks, there was some great support and advice from real people. Jumping forward a year, both missy and I had outgrown the site in terms of personal growth and a desire to other things; something we would later have to accept people did when we ran our own site.
I would like to say the first year was the most difficult, but it wasn’t. D/s on its own was great, it was all the rubbish life throws at you that gets in the way. However, that first year saw our sexual boundaries pushed in terms of play, we met other D/s couples in a social environment and started to look at what our D/s looked like compared to boiler plate template that was being sold as the only way of doing it. Things were certainly just starting to get interesting!
Next: When Kink becomes the norm.
*Having discussed this post with missy after publication, I have discovered my timelines are way off, sometimes by a couple of years. Just goes to show how times flies when you’re having fun!