TW-TW-TW started out as a scribble on the back on an envelope which soon became too full and too incriminating to have lying around! My scribbles were my own and the accountability to complete them rested with me only. This not only meant it was easily lost under the pile of other old envelopes I write on, it also meant they didn’t get done! I decided that transparency and nudity of my aims in public was a better route for me.
Well, I’m back from my travels thank goodness. Air travel has become a pain in the arse, literally! Long flights, lack of sleep and social drinking when abroad are no longer my thing. I don’t feel old, I just feel tired of that kind of life style. Once upon a moon I almost spend more time in aircraft than on the ground and loved every minute of it. On reflection that is probably untrue as I remember a number of horrendous trips that wiped me out. Memories have a habit of being what you want them to be!
Our D/s relationship I feel is going well. We have spoken about a number of difficult topics regarding outcomes of play, and whilst any criticism can have a sting, it does help to focus on what’s important. Reading a number of missy’s posts of late I do see a shift in her submission and what presses her buttons. That, coupled with our own conversations has allowed me to have rethink on where we need to be going. The depth of our relationship seems to not to have a bottom, and by this I mean it’s as if I’m looking down a well and not seeing the reflection from below. Drop a pebble and some time later there is a splash, however, it’s the bit in between, the fall into black that interests me. I feel there is darkness to our relationship and sometimes it ironically shines through. The real dark stuff, the feeling and thoughts you can’t quite say because it’s a feeling and not an act. The feeling is scary and wild and not quantifiable. It’s like having a flash of reflection in broken mirror of something happening, it’s incomplete and scattered, but yet still part of the same picture. Maybe you understand this?
I have been reading a book on erotic humiliation, Enough to make you blush, It’s quite good actually. I am not good at learning from books, I prefer video or hands-on. As I have said before, I have a short attention span, so I tend to read it in chunks which works for me. My main drive to understand this topic is to improve our D/s play, mainly because humiliation is a trigger for missy. I have noticed that it is very difficult to explain the feelings behind getting turned on by humiliation. If missy says too much she ends up telling what it is that needs to be said; by telling me that counteracts the potential effect. So I have chosen to read and up-skill myself!
We will see how this month rolls out. I have some job interviews lined up which will require some additional reading, and we have our rules that need reinforcing for the greater good! If you have time, take a look at the meme we are running at The SafeworD/s Club – TellMeAbout…..