1. It is really interesting to see what you think about submission and it is helpful to me to know that you see it is a positive, despite the fact that it is not in the form you may have expected when the ‘custard pie’ first landed in your lap. xx

  2. I’d be interested to read more about your thoughts on lacking a voice in a relationship, and how exactly D/s has given you the voice you previously felt you lacked. I’m assuming this is related to role delineation within your relationship and related to child-rearing(?), but I also suspect there’s probably more to it than that.

    • Hi Mrs Fever!
      Yes I got your message, I just didnt see it.
      I have replied by updating the original post as it took some time and more words to get the answer!

      • Tbanks for the clarification; that makes sense. What you wrote about becoming a passenger is something I think a lot of people deal with. One partner does all the planning/organizing work while the other just goes along for the ride. I think this is especially true when it comes to managing kids and their schedules, and it can quickly lead to resentment on both sides.

        Now, just musing…

        In your first marriage, with “having a voice” with your kids… This may not be what you meant, but it made me think of parenting responsibilities and role delineation.

        I grew up in an era where fathers were the disciplinarians, but otherwise were not very involved where ‘the kids’ were concerned. It had an undermining effect on mothers’ authority with their own children, yet they were the ones left to deal with the day-to-day.

        My own less-than-stellar experiences with witnessing these odd gender role assignments within a family definitely shaped my ideas of How Things Should Be. (And as far as I’m concerned, they should be NOTHING like what I saw/learned growing up.)

        • My dad was born in 1938 and was very involved with my round development as a kid. I was lucky. I just mirrored what he did and loved it.

  3. It is really interesting to see this from your perspective HL. Apart from the D/s side of things, a failed first marriage is a good reason to think about how not to make the same mistakes (taking account that you aren’t marrying the same person). Listening to each other and generally communicating more effectively are so important. It’s a shame that few out side of D/s seem to get that.

Please leave a thought if you have one..

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