I have read quite amount of literature both in paperback and online about being a Dom.  A lot of it is very much based on actually being a Dominant and revolves around play.  I suppose the closest analogy I can drum up would be a travel writer telling you about all the marvelous places they have been to, but omitting the actual journey to get there, which is often the important bit and half the fun!

This collection of words is about taking a typical man in his mid-forties and presenting him with a whole new world that most men could only dream about.  However, like Epimetheus, Pandora’s Box contained more than he bargained for!   In short, if you’re a guy whose wife/partner has brought this to your table, then you are not alone. In fact I would say that out of those who enter into this domestic enhancement, from my experience, being asked by your partner is common.  A lot of women currently in D/s relationships did a lot of research first and then came to their other halves and asked if this was something they could both do. I do recognise for the purposes of transparency, other permutations are available..

Now, this opportunity can progress a couple of ways initially.  Either it happens or it doesn’t.  There is obviously a lot of water between the two outcomes I have provided, and we will look at them later.  For now, we will assume the Dom-in-waiting has agreed, in principle, to take this forward.  And why not I ask you? There has been an offer of continual availability for sex, kinky sex at that, plus a power exchange that gives the man a voice; but all this comes at a cost. Do not be thinking that this is some game you can dip in and out of. That would be a massive mistake on your part as the stakes are high in terms of emotional investment and trust. Fools tread lightly where angels fear to go, and all that jazz.

A situation can sometimes develop in a relationship where the man is emasculated by the woman, and both dislike it. He has allowed a gap to form in the power of the relationship, and she has filled it.  It’s the natural order; where a vacuum exists in a democracy, a leader will rise up and fill the gap.  One of the reasons this happens, for personal experience and many others I have spoken with, is that during the early years of marriage if you are young, both of you are still finding out who you are as people in society, in your choice of employment and as couple.  What can occur is that you develop in a silo from the other person with whom who have chosen to sharing your life with.  Very slowly, unnoticeably, you grow apart, maybe start a family adding pressures of a third person in the house.

It is more likely that the mother will stay at home and form her new routines for this newly scaled family.  I acknowledge that some men stay home, or in my case share the care through working alternative shift patterns. Either way, things get in the way that sometimes, slowly, push you apart where you lose your voice so either of you cannot be heard.  Many relationships get through this and all is well, however, some land on the rocks and are smashed into bits. As an aside, I first married in 1991, as did 5 other couples in my place of work. Out of the 6 pairs only 1 remained after 5 years, all with children.  We lasted 19 years and my voice went silent after 5 of them. I suppose I stopped bothering because the family unit just ticked along with the two adult being observers. Seems strange to think that now.

However, we are talking the day the idea of a Dominate and submissive relationship arrived. As I said earlier, if the female partner has brought this to the table, you can bet she has done her homework, which means you as the expectant Dominant is already on the back foot!  Do not despair intrepid explorer, for whilst the journey is fraught with dangers, many have made it through jungle of D/s and like Tarzan, you too maybe whisking poor Jane off for a swing on your thick vine!

Next; First Contact.