Marriage Guidance

Could D/s Be The Replacment For Marriage Guidance?

Marriage Guidance

Could D/s be the replacement for Marriage Guidance? (MG)  I’m aware that is both a bold and broad brush question, however, just bear with me a moment.

My marriage to missy is not my first, and her likewise.  We have been to this rodeo before as one of my American friends once put it, and like a rodeo there was a lot of kicking, holding on tight and eventually landing very hard on the dry and dusty ground.  Being fighters we brushed off and found better suited mounts for a more comfortable ride!

I had previously been to marriage guidance seeking help. It was a long time ago, very painful and not very helpful in the long run.
“I notice that when you mention the children you both smile. That’s says a lot,” the women had said.
I should have asked her what that actually did say because it was lost on me.  I loved my kids, and so did my ex-wife, the problem was that we didn’t really like each other anymore which appeared to have been lost on the councillor. That was in 1998 and what followed was another 2 children and a further 8 years of going through the motions both privately very scared of the alternative. Jump forward to 2018 (a lot of water under the bridge) and I have an unbelievable new wife of 4 years and very well-rounded children in their own right. No real lasting harm done!

And so, back to D/s being a replacement for MG. Those of you who know where I’m going with this already can fill in a few gaps, however, for those who are sniffing the air for BS, this is my stab at it.

One of the fundamental elements of D/s is the freedom of speech and encouragement that open lines are always there. Effective communication stops misunderstandings, resentment, harboured sad feelings and of course allows expression of lust, happiness and kinky growth.  Imagine if you will if the MGC had said to this to a relatively young couple,
“Have you ever heard of Dominance and submission?”
I could wonder what impact that would have had. To be perfectly honest I really don’t care what impact it would have had because my ex-wife is a cunt in so many ways.  However, in theory, the practices we now follow in a D/s relationship would have been a revelation at the time and would have helped iron out a lot of creases.

Most marriages end because of Infidelity, Money, Lack of Communication, Constant Arguing, Weight Gain (apparently), Unrealistic Expectations, Lack of Intimacy, Lack of Equality, Not being prepared for marriage and Abuse; according to research.

Nearly all of the above failings are managed well in a relationship that has an agreed power exchange and effective communication.  Now I am not saying that everyone should be in a D/s relationship as that is unrealistic, or is it?   MG is an option when things breakdown in a marriage which is ironic when you think that type of support would be better at the start!  Number 9 on the above list is Not Being Prepared For Marriage and that was me.

My longest relationship was probably 4 months prior to walking down the aisle, and not exclusive to that person. I had the emotional depth of shallow puddle and really no idea of what I was doing.  Had I been briefed on the principles of D/s, or to put it another way,  good practice for a successful marriage, things may have turned out different.  In hindsight, and despite and the shit that often goes with divorce, I wouldn’t turn the clock back to change life as it is now. For no matter how many times you bring a horse to water, you really cannot make it drink anymore than you can expect people to embrace D/s as common practice as an example for a healthy relationship.

Where does that leave us then?  Well, I suppose it makes us quite intelligent people to recognise that the basic principles of communication applied across the many levels of a relationship is the better option to the approach of others; Imagine paying someone to tell you the same thing they told every other couple that walked through the councillor’s door.  ‘Talk less and listen more – That will be £50, thank you……….next’

Posted in Dominant Reflections and tagged , .


  1. I would add that the book “Love and Reapect” is one that marriage counselors give out a lot. It’s a solid read. It would serve as D/s beginner without applying and labels and scaring folks off.

    But yes, D/s saves marriages. At least if both parties keep working hard. It’s not a magic bullet for all. It sure saved us.

  2. It’s a very interesting point you make here. I think my first marriage could have easily fit into no 9 too. At 17 (me) and 5 months pregnant and 18 (him) we were more in love with the idea of love and marriage than in love with each other. Our very short marriage the divorce was finalised before our would be 2 years anniversary, and in the end he cheated.

    I too wouldn’t go back and change anything of my past, it led me to where I am today.

  3. It’s certainly a more study foundation but in the end it comes down to receptiveness to help offered being more important than help offered itself. D/s just creates an atmosphere where both parties learn to stop and listen properly.

  4. The verdict may not be in, but I agree with your reasoning. Although we’ve been married over two decades, it wasn’t all easy or great. And it’s never been as good as it is now that we’re D/s. As the sub, it’s forced me to treat my wife better, which in turn makes her feel safe to be the kind and loving woman she already was. As you said, it also gives room for. Level of communication we never had reached. Time doesn’t grow intimacy. Honesty and trust does. Funny thing…we’ve grown more in our short time with D/s than all the years before. We’re more honest and transparent. We’re kore trusting to each other. We’re both happier to be married to each other. So…should D/s replace MG? Worked for us!!

  5. The hubby and I are just re-reading some of your older material…he really connects with what you have to say on D/s and marriage. Thank you for sharing!

  6. I completely agree . Its a keybreason for me deciding to get into the lifestyle.

    I am so for it, in the right framework and right intentions that I would say a collar ceremony should replace the traditional wedding process (keeping God in the mix (each unto their own 😉 as belief is core to my life) .

    Why? Because D/s and the decision to choose ones Dom/sub is a conscious rigorous process where limits/likes/dislikes are communicated , a lot of thought and attention is put by both to ensuring their likes are met there is give and receive across all (is it 3 spectrums)

    Because not until the chosen sub has displayed complete submissiveness nor until the Dom has created complete trust and respect does the collar be awarded and accepted.

    Heck yes!! In fact our marriage we are discussing a mini add on to the traditional ceremony 😉

    Once again HisLordship great post

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