Could D/s be the replacement for Marriage Guidance? (MG) I’m aware that is both a bold and broad brush question, however, just bear with me a moment.
My marriage to missy is not my first, and her likewise. We have been to this rodeo before as one of my American friends once put it, and like a rodeo there was a lot of kicking, holding on tight and eventually landing very hard on the dry and dusty ground. Being fighters we brushed off and found better suited mounts for a more comfortable ride!
I had previously been to marriage guidance seeking help. It was a long time ago, very painful and not very helpful in the long run.
“I notice that when you mention the children you both smile. That’s says a lot,” the women had said.
I should have asked her what that actually did say because it was lost on me. I loved my kids, and so did my ex-wife, the problem was that we didn’t really like each other anymore which appeared to have been lost on the councillor. That was in 1998 and what followed was another 2 children and a further 8 years of going through the motions both privately very scared of the alternative. Jump forward to 2018 (a lot of water under the bridge) and I have an unbelievable new wife of 4 years and very well-rounded children in their own right. No real lasting harm done!
And so, back to D/s being a replacement for MG. Those of you who know where I’m going with this already can fill in a few gaps, however, for those who are sniffing the air for BS, this is my stab at it.
One of the fundamental elements of D/s is the freedom of speech and encouragement that open lines are always there. Effective communication stops misunderstandings, resentment, harboured sad feelings and of course allows expression of lust, happiness and kinky growth. Imagine if you will if the MGC had said to this to a relatively young couple,
“Have you ever heard of Dominance and submission?”
I could wonder what impact that would have had. To be perfectly honest I really don’t care what impact it would have had because my ex-wife is a cunt in so many ways. However, in theory, the practices we now follow in a D/s relationship would have been a revelation at the time and would have helped iron out a lot of creases.
Most marriages end because of Infidelity, Money, Lack of Communication, Constant Arguing, Weight Gain (apparently), Unrealistic Expectations, Lack of Intimacy, Lack of Equality, Not being prepared for marriage and Abuse; according to research.
Nearly all of the above failings are managed well in a relationship that has an agreed power exchange and effective communication. Now I am not saying that everyone should be in a D/s relationship as that is unrealistic, or is it? MG is an option when things breakdown in a marriage which is ironic when you think that type of support would be better at the start! Number 9 on the above list is Not Being Prepared For Marriage and that was me.
My longest relationship was probably 4 months prior to walking down the aisle, and not exclusive to that person. I had the emotional depth of shallow puddle and really no idea of what I was doing. Had I been briefed on the principles of D/s, or to put it another way, good practice for a successful marriage, things may have turned out different. In hindsight, and despite and the shit that often goes with divorce, I wouldn’t turn the clock back to change life as it is now. For no matter how many times you bring a horse to water, you really cannot make it drink anymore than you can expect people to embrace D/s as common practice as an example for a healthy relationship.
Where does that leave us then? Well, I suppose it makes us quite intelligent people to recognise that the basic principles of communication applied across the many levels of a relationship is the better option to the approach of others; Imagine paying someone to tell you the same thing they told every other couple that walked through the councillor’s door. ‘Talk less and listen more – That will be £50, thank you……….next’