Climb Every Mountain

Our D/s journey has been by and large one of discovery, both personal and as a team. It hasn’t all been about the power exchange and sexual exploration, there’s a lot more to it.  We have both bought baggage to our second-time-around marriage and without D/s we may not have addressed it in such an open and supportive way.  Another element has been in terms meeting new people and discovering the exciting things they do.  Writing has a big one for missy and the development of her blog, which has been very successful and produced some really nice feedback.

My role in our relationship, above all others, is to protect her and keep her from harm; to assess the risks and ensure that enough elements are there to mitigate exposure to harm.  To stay diligent one has to be objective, almost detached to have good periferal vison of what’s coming. Unfortunately, by the nature of our exciting exploration, it is easy to be consumed with the freedom and liberation to be who you actually are.  By default there is always a price to pay when your eye goes off the ball!

As part of managing missy’s body issues that have been with her since university days, I set out to help overcome this internal dilemma that she wrestles with.  Having met some really inspiring people in the sex blogging world, a number of great challenges have been placed before us that would really push some personal boundaries and help conquer her demons. The world of erotic photography is just one, and one that has blinded both of us somewhat.

The details are not important but surfice to say our blogs viewed by someone very close to us which has caused them some personal distress, and by default, us too.  The blame, if a pointy finger needs a target sits with me, the Dom.  I failed to correctly assess the potential damage of getting involved in a project that exposed her in a potentially negative and damaging way should it be viewed by certain groups.  I allowed the both of us to be carried away on the back of the enthusiasm and lovley attitudes to sex by people who can operate with more freedom and safety than us. I can say without reservation that the repercussions of recent events has deeply upset missy and it will be a long time before bridges are rebuilt.

One of the lessons learnt in the last 36 hours is that not only should you judge the merit of any endeavour by your own values, it’s the risk that needs to be evaluated against your own environment, regardless of the attraction.  To go forward we need to take quite a few steps back to assess where we are and agree what is acceptably  manageable for everyone.

To throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water would a real mistake in terms of hours devoted and soul searching to produce written words with influence. And so, blogs will be reshaped and more time spent looking at the desired outcome of future projects. After all, who knows what doors will open next?

Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic.


  1. I am so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to both of you. I have loved reading Missy’s thoughtful & heart-filled writings. Her sense of exploration and willingness to show her vulnerability through her writings has been such a gift. I have never before read the writings of someone who has this kind of courage. It is a sad thing that we all just can’t be the person we are without restrictions and judgement on what we think, what we believe and how we live our lives. I have read of the deep love and connection between you…a connection that most can only dream about. I have learned a lot by reading Missy’s blogs and her words have given me much food for thought. I can only imagine the work involved in letting go of one’s fears and opening up our personal Pandora’s box to explore what we desire inside and fulfill one’s need to be true to ourselves and live it. My hat is off to both of you and I hope with all my heart that there is a light for you at the end of this particular tunnel.

    • Thank you for your extremely kind words. Aside from the very important internal relationship issues to manage, missy’s writing will continue, although maybe not so graphically illustrated as before.

    • I wanted to thank you for such a kind comment. It is so encouraging that you feel this way about my blog, especially at the moment as I come to terms with the alternative ways it can be viewed. I would like to find a way to express myself and continue with my reflection and self-discovery without alienating myself from people who I care about. I hope that I can somehow do that. Thank you once again – your support means a lot.

  2. I’m sorry that this negativity has invaded your space! I’m surprised a little that someone was able to identify you—I would have thought you had enough plausible deniability to prevent that. I have always found Missy’s blog to be extremely well thought out and profoundly provoking. The honesty oozes from each post.
    I also wonder—if someone has “discovered” you, doesn’t that mean they were looking/interested/involved in the same world as you??
    I hope you can move forward together without too much angst.

  3. Having spoken with missy about it I’m sorry you are both managing this and I wanted to add our support to all you do, I also would try not to be too hard on yourself. I think it’s certainly provoked a lot of concern and consideration from our own point of view and reflection on how to proceed moving forward. It’s a very seductive, freeing, addictive, wonderfully empowering and validating bubble but a bubble all the same. Love to all of you xx

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