The Right Environment For D/s?

What would be the key environmental factor that helped you succeed I wonder?

My eldest son called me today, which is always a treat.  I don’t just say that about him because he’s my son, I genuinely think he is a nice person and adds value to people’s lives by knowing him.  He was his usual self, quite unassuming and asking me how every one at home was getting on. After the preliminary run down of his 6 siblings and his step-mother, he asked me what was new with me.  You see, he is clever without knowing it, he asks about important people to him, and then takes time to inquire about the most important person in that moment, the one on the phone, in this case, his Dad.  We chatted for a while and I managed to get it round to him, specifically his finances and his job, both of which I know are important to him.  On this particular call I was informed he had been promoted, got a raise and had a love interest!  All is rosey in that guy’s life I can assure you and I could not have felt prouder.

He also said he was reading a book, and my son never has time for books, so this surprised me.
“It’s about acheiving success,” he said, and he went on to explain. After the detailed summary and some cross questioning, I finally asked,
“Do you believe it’s your star sign, as per the book, or your environment that best supports success?”
My son works in high performance sport, so this type of discussion is of great interest to him in terms of the people he analyises and for personal growth as a potential leader.

I am a firm believer that the one single thing that underpins your success is the environment in which you find your self.  From birth you enter into the world already predeterimned for you, be it poverty, abuse, money, neglect, nurtured or for that matter a 100 different permitations.  I do not agree that these initial surrounding will rigidly determine your success in life. They will, however, shape the relationship you have with your parents and ultimetly yourself.

I would argue that the majority of people who have succeeded in their adult chosen path grew the most when in a supportive environment; they did not do that on their own.  My son said that Bill Joy (American computer scientist) was used as an example in the book (son = reading) for being born a certain star sign, early in the academic year than others and in a particular lunar year of a constellation cycle – heavy eh!  On closer examination it turns out that young Mr.Joy had the advantage of being at a school that allowed a family connection to donate a ‘c.o.m.p.u.t.e.r’ for the pupils to toy with. Only one young boy showed any interest and spent the golden ‘10,000’ hours learning to programme and become highly skilled. Some $1.5 billion later, these efforts proved worthwhile for little Billy boy!

Now here’s the point I’m trying to make, and Bill helps me again here.  If an environment had not been created for him to learn programming, he would not have succeeded in that field, which is a possible concept.  He may have moved outside that environment into another and been successful, however, by his own admission he once said, “No matter who you are, most of the smartest people work for someone else.” He in fact worked for a few people before only being accountable to himself.

When I reflect on my own life I can pinpoint when I was most successful, and more importantly, I can recall the environment I was in.  It may have been an inspiring leader who challenged me and allowed me to grow or a supportive peer group that worked seemlessly to produce results. Equally, I can note the times I have been least productive and the environment I found myself in.  You most certainly cannot always be in the right environment to grow, but you can certainly be proactive to avoid those that you don’t.

On reflection, can you look back in your life and associate success to your environment above all?  Does your submission grow when your Dom creates a garden that is stimulating and creative?  Does a Dom feel confident when their sub makes them feel special and allows them to be in command?  Standing in isolation is like waiting for a bus that never comes, however, get a crowd of people in the same situation you can share the price of a cab. An odd analogy I know, but you see where I am with this I’m sure.

“Recall the elements of the perfect environment that helped you succeed, try to apply them to your life now and see where it takes you,” I said to my son.
It may be that you do not require much to bloom, but in a battlefield even the smallest flower shines the brighest when the sun is on it!  For the record, I didn’t say the last sentence to him, he thinks I becoming too intune with my femine side as it is!

What environent helps you succeed in a D/s relationship and what does that look like in real terms I wonder?


Posted in Dominant Reflections and tagged , , .


  1. Outside of D/s, I do agree that a proper environment is necessary for success. I worked at a towel manufacturing plant for a few years when I was younger as a graphic designer. Overall the work was fun, I liked my colleagues, and my direct supervisors treated me well. I loved it, I succeeded. My last job was at a local historic site and it started well, much like my graphic design job. When managers changed, the environment deteriorated and I developed crippling anxiety. The worse I was treated, the more my work faltered (even though I was concentrating even harder than I ever have). The environment was not conducive to my success and so, I did not succeed.

    As for the questions you brought up, I feel more submissive when HD triggers a deeper space, but I am always submissive to him (unless I’m angry). Generally, it’s akin to autopilot: I defer to him, but I function as a “regular” adult in my day-to-day activities. Whenever he sets a scene, or even just does something to actively remind me of his Dominance (a quick grip of my hair near the scalp for instance), my submission deepens in response and my mindset shifts to one that is more HD-centric. So I would say that yes, my submission grows when the environment is conducive to it.

    • Thank you for your comment. I too have seen a change in management and within a short space of time people looking for other work without really knowing why. As for Dominance, the garden always needs attention!

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