There’s always chat about vanilla and non-vanilla activity in a D/s relationship. They are only words that help people understand what’s going on at the time, a bit like ‘You Are Here’ on a laminated tourist map. I’m sure you have your own thoughts on such terms and whether you like them or not. I tend to get the impression they are used with a negative undertones quite often, and I think that is unnecessary.
‘Oh we had vanilla sex last night’ or ‘we are behaving like a vanilla couple,’ I hear, but it’s not the words, it’s the tone in which it is delivered.
Now, why do I raise the point? Simply because missy and I have not been so proactive in terms of our D/s relationship. I have not been overtly dominant and she has not been overtly submissive; the two are obviously indexed linked. The reason for this is illness, and you know what? It’s okay, it really is!
We have not spoken about it at length, however, we have mentioned it, apologised and smiled. Now there may be some people who read this and have a different opinion in the way me manage things, and that’s okay, each to their own. What I want to emphasis it that is it okay to be not-normal. Everyone has off days, sick weeks, family problems and all sort of other distractions. Please don’t go beating yourself up over it and thinking you have failed and self-flagellation is the only option. As long as you acknowledge your surroundings and discuss what is going on, you won’t end up getting lost!