No Typical Conversation


I have often said that D/s can provide people with a level of openness that is safe and protected.  The relationship is based on trust, trust to expose your heart and soul without accusation or retribution.  A D/s relationship is the grown up version of the average relationship I like to think.  It isn’t just about the kink in my opinion, it’s the depth of knowledge you have with one another.  A lot of relationships are weak because if you scratch away the sexual gleaming surface, there is nothing below.  For us, and many like us, it is about depth of knowledge we have of each other.  It allows us to be open for exploration, both verbal and physical.

Very recently missy and I were travelling in our car to spend a night in a hotel together. Our discussion soon came around to the sexual part of our relationship, which was in keeping with theme of the next 24 hours!  As we threw topics between us, missy asked,
“You have a bit of a crush on her don’t you?”
Now, as to whom she refered is not important, but safe to say the question was out there.
“I suppose I do, but not in just a sex way, it’s a multi layered thing. Energy, spirit and drive come into it too,” I replied.

For missy to ask my that question she would have to have been comfortable with my response, which ever way it went; it was certainly not a challenge.  The delivery of the question was lighthearted and inquisitive.  I gave an honest answer, and not the one I thought she wanted to hear. I was honest because I trust her with my feelings and honesty, as do I with hers.

A few miles down the road we changed conversational lanes and talked about clubs and playing in the same space as others.
“You would like to see me being fucked by someone else wouldn’t you?”
I openly admit that I have a bit of a fantasy for such things, although it may just be a mental thing.  I responded that I would, although a number of caveats would have to be in place.
“I could imagine being fucked by someone and sucking your cock, but not the other way around,” she said finally.

Now before we get drawn too much to the excerpt of our conversation, let me bring some focus here.  This type of discussion could only have taken place with a high degree of trust and openness.  The examples given should not be taken out of context as an open invitation to our readership, they purely demonstrate the type of questions one can have without feeling vulnerable or challenged in a D/s relationship.

Quite often, as in most relationships, friction points occur and emotions run high.  It could be for a hundred different reasons, and yet we have cast aside the silent treatment, the storming out of the room or the full-blown arguments.  That has been replaced with tolerance and compassion.  Please do not think that the two of us live in La-La-Land where sheep are pink and things are always fantastic.  We are both quite complex people, on different intellectual levels, opposing sense of humour and a stack of domestic issues that come from having a big family and limited income.  A relationship made in heaven? Oh boy no, this one was forged from previously fucked up marriages, when being able to explore your body and mind were not fully possible.

Finding D/s gave us a sign post to where we are now.  We have an environment where we can really do some strange things to one another, meet people who do the same and talk about doing things that excite us both.  I am sure that if either of us came up with a new idea we would probably have a go at it and see what it was like.  I like the quote from Tim Fargo who said,
“Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can’t begin to explore your possibilities.”
I like the sentiment behind the quote, however, exploration is much more fun together.



Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged .


  1. I totally understand this. Although I am in a different type of dynamic with Mr D I still feel that trust and honesty, just being able to tell him anything and not be afraid of his reaction is very powerful for me. And that quote is one of my favourites. I used it for my I is for insecurities post the other day, I really relate to it. Thanks for sharing. ?

  2. No typical conversation indeed, and I agree with what you say. I wouldn’t be able to ask questions like that, not because I couldn’t discuss it with MrH, because I couldn’t face the answer. I have some insecurities that are a wall topped with barbed wire on that bridge ?

  3. This is so familiar to me, as this is the way my husband and I have built our relationship. Love and trust is our base, and on and around that we build everything else.

    Rebel xox

  4. I think finding someone with whom I can invest that trust, and share those vulnerabilities, is a cornerstone in why I engage in kink. I know it can happn in vanilla relationships as well, but for myself, being deep in a D/s relationship facilitates that openness.

  5. I am completely open and believe I can answer any questions without having to hide. Kitten still has layers, which I thought were being removed gradually, in an atmosphere of complete trust. We are not there yet, there are things that cannot, or will not, be brought to the surface. It’s very difficult to be in this situation. It’s a barrier. More time perhaps….?

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