Reflecting on the past couple of months activities, I realised the value of being with people who are like-minded.  Ignoring a working environment for a moment, unless you are engaged in the sex industry in one form or another, its the kinky and sexual side I refer to.

As you are aware, missy and I facilitate a community website for Dominants and submissives.  Speaking to people from all walks of life, from many different counties and various constructions of relationships can really give you the feeling that you have learnt something, or maybe given something back.  People’s enthusiasm can be really infectious.

Recently we attend a Torture Garden event in Edinburgh with friends from our site. Torture Garden is a commercialised kink event that focusses mainly on dress and appearance. It’s a real ‘let your hair down’ event, with flamboyance in abundance.  The club is not for those who want to play seriously, unless it’s rope work, because these guys do take it very seriously!  It’s about being an extrovert I would say.  Please don’t think I am dismissing the event as something to be avoided.  It’s great fun to dress up and disappear amongst the latex, rubber, glitter and nipples.  The best bit I have found is talking to people.

We were introduced to a couple a some years older than us, dressed in latex and stockings. They gave us advice to reassure us that everything was fine and we would get used to it, despite being told numerous times this was not our first attendance. I did say they were a bit older than us and repetition is inevitable for us all, inevitably!  In between the guy telling me about how difficult it was to park a caravan in Edinburgh and the vice like grip the laytex had on his balls, I was very happy to be in his company.  He was enthusiastic in every way about his lifestyle and was proud that his wife was not wearing much.  I  just loved his energy!

More recently we attended a virtual petri dish of contagious activity at Eroticon.  After spending 24 hours in the company of people who know how to get their kink on, it rubs off.  It’s like the LSD of erotica.  The open conversations, the behaviour, the positive attitude and the total honestly of people open your mind to the point of being susceptible to real suggestion.  Nobody actually suggested anything I should add, however, I found the conversation to be more exploratory between missy and I.

For most people, we wrap ourselves up daily in a uniform of acceptability with either a secret collar, a cheeky tattoo or bruises underneath. We are unable to spread our wings publicly.  The more time I spend in the company of people who are like minded, the more I grow.  Missy and I are restricted to expand our world locally, for one, the highland cattle are too hairy and secondly there is a real need for anonymity.  It is so easy to fall back into ‘normal’ ways of thinking and stop being creative in thought and action.

This year we will make an effort to see more of the people we know and meet more new people. Life really is far too short not to be involved in a healthy contagious group.

Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged , , .


  1. Great post! You make an excellent point about how many of us have to hide who we are under the cloak of acceptability in our daily lives. I definitely want to attend an event where Daddy and I can just be who we are and not feel like we have to hide everything. Thank you for sharing 🙂

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