Missy and I were away this weekend so a combined post is required for catch up!
What did I discover about me in the last 48 hours? Well, a couple of things actually; firstly, my rediscovered ability to manage a situation that possibly has a no win situation. In truth the no win statement sounds negative, when in fact is was very much a positive. Part of my role is to help develop Missy with regard to self esteem and body image. To date we have come a long way and she has put a lot of effort and trust in me to improve.
We attended a kink/fetish party in Edinburgh over the weekend. It’s very much ‘dress to impress’ and the emphasis is very much on the ladies. Trying to find something for such place that looks sexy, feels sexy, and you can breathe in is a massive challenge. It doesn’t help when the mail fails to bring items you ordered for the outfit when needed. So at the very last moment I had a lady just wanting me to make the decision and accept the consequences. For me there was a lot to consider, and this is based on my in-depth knowledge of my wife. Option 1. We stay at home and let others down, she feels like she has failed and all the effort to date is wasted. Option 2. We go and she could be in a place where she feels unattractive and I do this in full knowledge. It is a tricky situation and could be applied to a number of events you yourself may have encountered. As we approached this, I listened, made some suggestions that could help, and then said we were going to the event. I openly admit that I thought it could backfire on me, however, this was more about being in control and taking responsibility. I should say that making decisions is not unfamiliar ground for me as I was once a bomb threat assessor in a former life. The difference though is that I have a love affair with my wife, not something I had with the other!
My second learning was that I spent time during our drive home today to discuss my decision to go to the event after our conversation the previous day. I had a desire to understand if the measures I put in place helped alleviate the pressure, and if so, had I managed to maintain Missy’s self-esteem and my aim to develop a positive body image. I think, on relfection, entering into that conversation I was trying to tick too many boxes. The crux of my inquiry really was, had I done the right thing? In all likelihood, any decision I made would have been the correct, in Missy’s eyes. She has given me her submission and therefore needs that to be taken with both hands, my hands.
The account above is only an example of where being in control, grows into support and flowers with trust and safety. One other thing I witnessed in Missy was acceptance of the outcome I was going to deliver. For her to do that takes a massive amount of belief in me that all will be okay. Each day is a step further down a rabbit hole for us, knowing someone is not just in front or behind, but along side holding your hand.
Missy looked amazing on the night, and I know that if she had found something more to her personal liking she would have been happier. That said, I would not have changed a thing about her.