Managing emotions is much harder than managing physical illness. You can’t put a bandage on stress and or apply an ice pack to tears. It’s a little bit like canoeing in white water, you have to look for signs and adapt accordingly. Sometimes lean back and do nothing but rest, and other times you paddle frantically to guide in to smoother water. Yesterday we headed into rapids and the boat almost tipped over. I could see this coming around the bend for a little while. What with the car getting smashed and a gruelling workload of children requiring high levels of support, it was only a matter of time. Again, a bit like canoeing, the river keeps flowing and with it all the daily life issue you tolerate.
Missy and I had a conversation before she left for work regarding play the previous night. I was looking for feedback and knowing I knew improvements could be made, Missy felt that by telling me the honest truth, she had let herself down. This was not the case at all as she did exactly what I asked. My feeling are not within her control. She left for work but not her cheerful self. At that moment there was little I could to resolve the situation as time was not on our side. It is always difficult when that happens; you know time needs to be invested and yet, you have none. I find that hard, mainly because Missy spends a huge amount of time looking after me. Listening, responding and being very supportive. This all takes energy, a commodity in short supply!
I had an early morning appointment, and immediately on its conclusion I returned to my car and sent Missy a long supportive text. Her reaction was positive, in that she appreciated I had recognised her feelings and that all material issues would be managed, and were not the priority. Later in the day I sent a follow up text to instruct her to waste no time on her arrival home to reconnect with me physically. This she did and with great enthusiasm!
Today was about listening and taking time to make a connection in a meaningful way. Yes, I am sure some of the situations could have been avoided, but it wasn’t and it was discussed. The follow up communication set a tone of empathy and love which was required for both of us. The final part, well, that had mutual advantages too.