In my first post of the year I mentioned that I would be spending more time planning, and that I felt it was a key component of a D/s relationship, or any relationship for that matter! I have often heard that even a well constructed plan never survives first contact with enemy, and in principle I would agree with that. I have never had to make a plan to face an enemy in the conventional sense, however, I have made many plans, delivered the concept, and walked away thinking what a rookie I must be as my enthusiasm was not enough to carry it through. I realised in my late 20s was to learn from my mistakes, or preferably other people’s mistakes, and of course try to do better next time; well that was the theory!
I return to the idea that a plan doesn’t survive first contact. I have discovered that when planning a scene, there are a few common factors I should consider.
- Do I know what I’m are doing?
- Do I have the tools for the job?
- Is there enough time to complete it?
- Is my sub in the right emotional & physical frame of mind?
Now in the last 3 or so years some of my plans didn’t survive first contact. On occasion they made it past the first wave, and then retreated! Now I know some people discuss scenes first with their subs, and others do not; it’s horses for courses really, however, there must be some sort of plan, concept, idea, heart flutter, penis twitch that got the event rolling. The thing I offer up, is this; even if your plan doesn’t work, don’t change your goal. If you goal is to have an orgasm, then that can usually be sorted with porn and tissue, even if you are crying down stairs with your sub still strapped in upstairs. If your goal is hopefully more meaningful, with some feeling in it, a disrupted plan can be dynamically adjusted. Or in some cases, you have to wing it!
Someone once told me that blindfolds are great for a sub to wear during play because it stops them seeing their Dom silently struggling to untangle the power lead on the wand, whilst trying to wipe spilt lube off their hands and tearing the end off a condom packet with their teeth. It doesn’t, however, stop the screaming when a Dom stands on three wheel Wartenburgh tool in bare feet! (Believe me, it doesn’t)
I digress, as usual. So, for all those new Doms out there who are like a kid in a sweet shop (great isn’t it!) don’t worry if the scene doesn’t go the way you thought. If you really lose your way, just stop and discuss it with your sub. There’s always later or tomorrow to try again, but a plan of where you want to go is sometimes helpful, even when you run out of ammo!