I’ve been doing this D/s thing long enough to meet a great number of people, most on line, a few face to face on camera and, heavens forbid, some even in person! I like meeting new people, getting to know them, taking advice, sharing opinions and generally enjoying myself. I said in my previous post that I do like helping people if my skills set fit, it’s rewarding and I always learn something new.
One thing I do get uncomfortable with is the group of people who fall into the Walter Mitty category. Now, before I launch into why I have a aversion to them, I have to recognise that some people fall into a trap where one little white lie can lead to another, and another; it is one of our many human flaws. It can run away with them and before long their whole personality is based on fiction. I recognise that some people do this to fit into a group, or to get a job (yes you know what I mean don’t’ you?). The problem is that people know you for who you say you are and have expectations based on nothing but a house of cards.
So now that my disclaimer is stated, what’s my aversion? It is simple really, it affects other people negatively. When the veil slips, people feel used and angry. They invested time and effort into these people, gave a little of themselves, opened up to them to offer support and above all, trusted them. There are few things in life that make you feel bad more than being duped and that I think is compounded by a lack of closure, for these people rarely come clean and apologise.
So who are these people? Well, there are good odds that it could be you. No not you, not the person with a few morals, the other one that is lurking behind other people’s ideas and a make-believe life. You can’t be entirely happy, in fact you are probably quite low, and I don’t blame you. You have painted yourself into a corner and to admit that is both embarrassing and possibly, in your mind, might make people repel. Luckily for you, you have chosen to join a community based on acceptance. Colour, race, creed, religion, disability and sexual orientation are all welcome in the world of kink. I think it is possible that such a community would allow a person, who has made the mistake of overreaching reality, to be cut a little slack and the chance to get their feet firmly on the ground. If you want to genuinely grow into something that makes you feel good, you need a strong foundation. Making up fairly tale stories only leaves you empty deep down because you are alone in that world and the problem is, the more you invent, the more your believe and the further you get away from reality.
If You recognise yourself to be such a person, confide in someone who’s trust you have and be honest and humble. Cards on the table and ask for support. As my Missy says to her pupils in crisis, “What is the worst possible thing that can happen?” Usually the worst possible thing is the anticipation of being open and honest. Stand up, come into the light, and give something of yourself that is real, for that person is probably more interesting than Mr. Mitty.