La La Land

I’ve been doing this D/s thing long enough to meet a great number of people, most on line, a few face to face on camera and, heavens forbid, some even in person! I like meeting new people, getting to know them, taking advice, sharing opinions and generally enjoying myself. I said in my previous post that I do like helping people if my skills set fit, it’s rewarding and I always learn something new.

One thing I do get uncomfortable withHypocrisy is the group of people who fall into the Walter Mitty category. Now, before I launch into why I have a aversion to them, I have to recognise that some people fall into a trap where one little white lie can lead to another, and another; it is one of our many human flaws. It can run away with them and before long their whole personality is based on fiction. I recognise that some people do this to fit into a group, or to get a job (yes you know what I mean don’t’ you?). The problem is that people know you for who you say you are and have expectations based on nothing but a house of cards.

So now that my disclaimer is stated, what’s my aversion? It is simple really,  it affects other people negatively. When the veil slips, people feel used and angry. They invested time and effort into these people, gave a little of themselves, opened up to them to offer support and above all, trusted them. There are few things in life that make you feel bad more than being duped and that I think is compounded by a lack of closure, for these people rarely come clean and apologise.

So who are these people? Well, there are good odds that it could be you. No not you, not the person with a few morals, the other one that is lurking behind other people’s ideas and a make-believe life. You can’t be entirely happy, in fact you are probably quite low, and I don’t blame you. You have painted yourself into a corner and to admit that is both embarrassing and possibly, in your mind, might make people repel. Luckily for you, you have chosen to join a community based on acceptance. Colour, race, creed, religion, disability and sexual orientation are all welcome in the world of kink. I think it is possible that such a community would allow a person, who has made the mistake of overreaching reality, to be cut a little slack and the chance to get their feet firmly on the ground. If you want to genuinely grow into something that makes you feel good, you need a strong foundation. Making up fairly tale stories only leaves you empty deep down because you are alone in that world and the problem is, the more you invent, the more your believe and the further you get away from reality.

If You recognise yourself to be such a person, confide in someone who’s trust you have and be honest and humble. Cards on the table and ask for support. As my Missy says to her pupils in crisis, “What is the worst possible thing that can happen?” Usually the worst possible thing is the anticipation of being open and honest.  Stand up, come into the light, and give something of yourself that is real, for that person is probably more interesting than Mr. Mitty.

Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged , , , .


    • Not necessarily. If that were the case I would be going directly to the source if I thought malice was the root cause. I have meet people over the years who try so hard to be part of something, and instead of waiting and learning to adapt to their new environment, they create a false world. I do believe that most, excluding professional con artists, mean no harm and need more support.

      • yeah I can see that happening. Some of the things people tell me I know are come completely made up. but I guess I have to take it at face value

        • +1. When I figure out someone is fronting, I just make a mental note of it and filter future stories from them as “stories”. If I’m feeling kind I’ll ask myself, “what was their motivation in sharing this story?” and if it’s not simple aggrandizement, I’ll (try to) fish the lesson out of the manure. I haven’t had good luck confronting people so I tend to just go along with it. Maybe that’s to their detriment, and I should be a more honest friend? I dunno.

          • It’s really hard to confront ppl and get an honest response. They normal put the barriers up. Plus it normally makes your relationship weird as they know you know and are feared of that. I guess it depends how much time you spend in their company as to what you could put up with

  1. I’ve only been blogging a few weeks now yet I can see the propensity some may have to embellish and present ones best version of themselves. but if I’m ever tempted to embellish a little here, tweak the story a little there, I remind myself who is my blog for? It’s ultimately for me, to help me process this journey I’m on. So not being honest is kind of like cheating on your homework (that’s a school reference for missy!)

    Now if someone has another motivation for blogging, maybe they’re lonely in real life and want to fit in, then they are more likely to lie about themselves. But that’s so unfortunate because like you said, this particular community has been so accepting and welcoming, there is no reason to put in false airs.

    • Same thing on Twitter. People get hung up on how many followers they have. Feeds that dopamine feedback loop. If you say what is in your heart and you don’t give a damn what people thInk, you’ll end up attracting folks that like your honesty.

Please leave a thought if you have one..

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.