When your’re weary, feeling down….

Roller_coaster_suspense-705x500I’m trying to avoid using a song’s lyrics as a frame for my post, however, Life is a Roller Coaster.  In a number of previous posts I have a alluded to the fact our lives have very much been on the slow up hill drag with regard to permanent employment for me and with no clear sight of the apex.  One of our many sons is training to be an engineer and in one of his many pearls of wisdom to impress his siblings (yawn) he said that the roller coaster’s passenger cart had the greatest kinetic energy when approaching the top of the climb and not when it’s travelling down hill at speed. In fact, for those of you still awake, the least kinetic energy is when it is at the bottom.

So what has this got to do with Simon and Garfunkel or Ronan Keating?  Absolutely nothing to be honest. It’s hard to get a post started and I had to start somewhere, so music is a good choice! The lyrics are a different matter and you’ll have to listen to them to get a better understanding of feeling behind this post.

Now, the roller coaster and my son’s physics lesson is important, so secure loose items, keep you hands inside the carriage and no flashing your boobs at the scare-camera on the way round!

Missy and I have been under an unusual amount of stress for the past year.  I have struggled with unemployment despite occasional work, and Missy has been there at my side to support me. In fact she has supported me so well that the pressure most people face to find work has been lifted from my shoulders. We have discovered, with hindsight, that this has not necessarily been good for me. I’ve worked in a pressurised environment for many years, and now the heat is off, my head of steam has dissipated.  This has been realised in many aspects of my personality,  general life and my Dom life, in fact I am probably experiencing Dom-Drop on a wider level.  I hate every aspect of it and of course, there’s only one person who can really fix it.

It makes some sense to try and find a coloration between life and a roller coaster’s climb up hill, and I’ve found it.  Regardless of the challenges in your lives, you are at your strongest when climbing that hill together.  That is not some throw away euphemism, I really mean it. It is a time when you are working your hardest to get over what ever it is that is troubling you. Like a scary ride, you offer words of support and hold hands a lot because the anticipation of it all going wrong is ever present.  In our case we have seen the wheels come off previous relationships and its passengers were our kids. Fortunately we found each other mid-air and grabbed kids before landing safely in the lake! Our new roller coaster is again giving us a ride that provides a long drag just looking at the same piece of sky in front of us for ages. The clanging and tick-tock noise of the pulling chains are the voices of those around us wanting to offer advise, or criticism.

Missy has been incredible managing a situation where the life she had changed and the man she needs to make decisions struggles regularly with it.  She could easily Dom me at times, which whilst  it might be a good thing to get my arse in gear, she has refrained and looked to other avenues.  Now please do not feel uncomfortable with is section of the post, a Dom in distress is like watching a slow-mo car crash; it takes ages for the inevitable collision and yet you know there will be one.ali

This is real world stuff where people get damaged and all the bravado in the world will not fix an affected mental state. People notice too, even those you have never met.  Our chats on The SafeworDs Club have produced feedback from some members who notice a lack of engagement on my part, never fully committing to a conversation, always limiting myself. I can assure you, as the word count in this post shows, I am no stranger to lengthy dialogue! Please do not leave this post thinking that a our rose garden is made up of plastic blooms, nothing could be further from the truth.  For those of you who regularly read Missy’s posts you will know who we are and that we wear our hearts on our sleeves with people like you so that you know sometimes your life is as real as ours. We don’t hide behind an image or alternatively set ourselves up people’s D/s couple. We are, above all honest about our relationship, to you and to each other.

We have been here before, albeit this time we are wearing crash helmets marked DOM & SUB which gives us the confidence, despite a few knocks and bruises, that all will be well and when the ride is over we can turn to one another and say, “I am never fucking doing that again!”

Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged , , , , , .


  1. It’s funny if heard dom drop twice today…id never really considered this would happen. Hope you guys get over it x

  2. Timing of reading this couldn’t be better as I’m feeling a little at my wits end with emotional state of my D. Strongest when climbing together though so I guess I must soldier on. While I was hoping your post concluded with some miracle solution it was good to read nonetheless. 😀

  3. I’m sorry you guys have had such a stressful year. If yours and Missy’s blogs are any indication, you two will weather this storm together and come out stronger on the other side.

  4. There is no miracle cure I’m sad to say. Patience, tolerance and communication have all helped this year. Trying to fix everything at once is not achievable. Small wins always help to keep you going.

  5. His Lordship,

    Your Ali picture with the motto I live by says it all.

    I am new to SWC, but when time allows I go back to the beginning of and come forward.

Please leave a thought if you have one..

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.