Living on this planet means that you have little influence on the decisions of others. Whether you are a human, a horse or a river, external forces will change the way you make your way through life. However, being human, we do have an added advantage. We have conscious thought; the power to change ourselves and, to a degree, those around us. It’s that ‘circles of influence’ theory. The odd thing is, a lot of us (humans) allow ourselves to be influence in a negative way. We place ourselves outside the ‘circle.’ It’s stupid really when you think about it. Of all the people in the world you have the most influence over, you are the obvious choice; and yet we allow ourselves to be consumed by our own thoughts. It’s the price to pay I suppose of having developed conscious and creative thought.
I saw an interview on YouTube from the early 90’s with Stephen Fry and Robin Williams as guests. Fry had been producing a documentary on bears in Peru. He said that bears were interesting because they only thought about being bears. They didn’t want to be a monkey or a snake. Unlike humans, bears didn’t model themselves on others. A bear, is a bear, is a bear. On reflection, I find that to be incorrect as most animals in relationships have a hierarchy. Therefore, a bear wants to be a better bear, a stronger bear and a bear that will survive. There is a natural order.
Robin Williams became embarrassing to watch during the interview by over compensating for his lack of stage presence in the company of loud and articulate make. He became loud and interrupted Fry’s story, however, Fry just paused briefly to acknowledge the small outbursts and continued with intellectual consistency. I wondered what a bear would make of this behaviour.
My point, and there is one, before you lose complete interest, is this. I try very hard not to allow other people influence me in a negative way. I appreciate sometimes you only fight the battles you are going to win to ensure the emotional casualties are less. The ones you lose through overwhelming forces stay with you and unfortunately affect how you behave in the future. My behaviour currently is not condusive to a successful D/s relationship. I’m allowing the result of a recent social battle to influence the outcome of my decisions. I’m assuming the worst possible outcome to my uncommunicated Dom decisions. The knock on is that less decisions are made, a gap is formed, a darkness is created and people lose their way and faith.
Stephen Fry was excellent in his description of the bears. I believe the interview was improved by Robin Williams’non stop chatter everytime Fry paused for breath; and there in lies the answer. It’s about filling gaps with communication. When your conscious thought stops you from moving forward in a direction you want it go in, you should just fill that gap and say something. That something will produce something else. Hopefully it will create dialogue that will help solve the problem at hand with the one person you can trust and the person that trusts you. Conscious thought and communication are the the two skills we have developed over other creatures, and if an a bear can shit in the woods, why can’t we do what should come so natural to us?