My wife and I have always spoken openly about our sexual relationship. She would prefer I spoke more out our emotional relationship, however, that comes easier to her for lots of ways. The main two reasons I think, is that it means a great deal to her and the other is that she works hard at it. The ingredients to a successful outcome in most cases I find.
For me, discussions about emotions and feelings do not come so readily. It’s not that I was abused as a kid, or had a tough up bringing, in fact quite the opposite. I was loved, looked after and really didn’t want for much despite my parents lack of money. I was, however, an only child and as such didn’t have to work hard at relationships. Everybody love a cute blond kid and even when you’re 16 years old even aging aunts tell you how handsome you are. Relationships with girls were many and short lived. I got attention from one girl and therefore by having two girlfriends, you get twice as much. There was my life in a nutshell, exciting, shallow and emotionally empty.
I eventually married at a young age to a woman who had her own private issues and didn’t know much about managing emotions, or money! Our children arrived and my life was complete. My kids filled my days (and nights) with noise and laughter which gave me all the attention I could ever want.
After the divorce (!) and particularly the separation from my kids caused massive strain and emotional outpourings. My life had changed and I was now feeling things in a very raw format.
Two things happened after that; I met my wife and we found D/s together. I have a great marriage and a fantastic sub. The physical side of things is extremely fulfilling, the communication could always be better and the sharing of my emotions could improve. No matter what tools we employ to achieve this, we’ll do it together because for all the whips and chains, it’s about intimacy and sharing that makes a lasting relationship.