Control 24/7?

For the last 20 years, products have come to the market that boast, “You will have greater control.” Be this your bank account, your car, and even how to watch television. The strange this is, there is an undertone that the greater the control you have, the less you have to worry about. One could argue that the less you have to worry about, the less focus you need.

Hands free car phones are supposed to give you more, ‘ control of your life’ when in fact it’s proven to distract you and give a higher risk of shortening your life! Now that probably seems little extreme for just a simple blog post, however, my point is this; Having greater control comes with greater responsibility. You’ve already joined up the dots here I’m sure!

Being Dominant in a D/s relationship, particularly in a long term/married relationship means that your control is 24/7. It isn’t bondage type control obviously, it’s more proactive support. Having control of the long term development of our relationship requires me to be supportive whilst trying to keep a 24/7 kink dynamic alive and kicking.

We have faced many challenges in the last two years, all place different stresses upon our relationship. Fortunately D/s allows us to have a framework that stops us from arguing and being disrespectful to one another. Moody silences are a thing of the past and if things go wrong, we have a plan to sort it out; a control template if you will.

Taking control requires competence from you and trust from your partner. Control is not about the easy route or easy option; it’s about knowing the rules, risks and rewards, otherwise where’s the worth if it’s handed to you on a plate?

Your comments and thoughts are always greatly appreciated.

Posted in Being a Dom, Building A Dynamic and tagged .


  1. As you know we just started down the D/s path 1 month ago. Still have a lot to learn and working out the kinks! I’m wondering if you can send me more info on the “control template” you reference, the plan for when things aren’t going right? I think this is a big piece missing for Sayyid and I -what do we do when things aren’t going right? Or as I asked him yesterday, what are the consequences if I’m not being the sub I should be? He hasn’t quite figured that out yet and I’m afraid if I provide the consequences it’s taking away from his dominance. This is where we’re currently stuck….. not completely, still managing, but I believe this needs to be addressed and soon.

    Thanks again for your guidance and I apologize if I’m being a bother!

  2. A control template is something you need to discuss between you. It’s personal to your dynamic and should grow as you do as a couple. Like wise, if the dynamic is disrupted and things become less stable, your control template needs tweaking to make allowances for that.
    An example of a conversation that could be had between you may be along the lines of the sub saying she wants support exercising. Her motivation is easily put down and she wants to stay healthy and feel good about herself. She wants her Dom to encourage her to exercise and if she doesn’t she wants her Dom to do something about and not just go along with her mood. The punishment for not exercising should fit the crime. Maybe the punishment would be that if she missed the exercise session she would have to repeat it outside and naked. Now I made that up on the spot, although I quite like that!
    Your template is your go to set of domestic rules and should include how to reset your dynamic if things go really west!

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