When entering into any new project whether it be a lifestyle change or hobby, support is often necessary. In the early stages, having a group or individual that can show you the ropes reduces the chances of making too many mistakes and in turn gives you more confidence. That’s all a bit obvious really isn’t it?
For me, my first level of support was my wife. My wife desired that I become her Dom and she my sub. That all sounded quite straight forward as all I had to do was read FSOG, continue with kinky sex, be a bit more direct and, I’m a Dom with capital D. As I soon realised, the capital D soon stood for Dummy, Disheartened, Desperate and Demoralised. I was like the proverbial greyhound out of the trap without a hare to chase. I soon ran out of energy and direction and this is where my support in the form of my sub stepped in; She was wonderful. She read books and internet articles by the dozen and gave me feedback on how she was feeling and what I could do to make her feel submissive.
My early days as a Dom where not great. I just didn’t get it and wasn’t sure I wanted it. It was a lot of effort and really I just wanted an easy life with no hassle and lots of sex. It was only when we started to discuss communication did I start to see long term benefits. My wife has always been in control of her life. I assumed that’s the way she really wanted it to be, her calling the shorts and taking the rap for any errors. I soon discovered that this was not the case and, whilst it being a massive culture shock, exchanging power to me was one thing she desired. She wanted to be able to feel safe and trust me, to take charge and engage with her. We had a chance to have a two way conversation where I actually listened. It gave a forum to discuss things equally, but I had the responsibility to make the final decision.
Then, one afternoon I found online a website for Dominants. It accepted new members who knew nothing and introduced you to those that did. The majority were from the USA with a few from Canada and Australia. Occasionally another nationality would pop up to spice things up a bit! This new support network allowed me to shoot the breeze with other guys and discuss orgasms, dildos, floggers, paddles and all many of restraint devices. How cool is this I thought!
That site and the people I met nearly two years ago are still there. I do not go on as much for personal need as found it hard to give the time to fully contribute. I can say without exaggeration that without being a member of that site I would still be very much in the dark.
So, two years on and am I still making mistakes? Yes of course I am because life is like that. No one is perfect and by making mistakes you can hopefully learn from them together. We are stronger together, no conversation is off limits and we have mutual respect for each other. Sounds like the ingredients to a happy relationship to me!